Mother F-ing Artist

Here are some MFA programs that I would consider if I wanted to be in debt for the rest of my life with little to show for it:

SVA.
I was looking at their illustration program and if their reputation means anything then it should be a good one. I don't think their catalog does them any favors, however; the "indie" feel to the catalog seems contrived and the student art work they showcase isn't anything spectacular. It looks like you get a nice drawing cubicle, though - something less cold and uninviting than the MGSA painting studio that is nothing more than empty floor space and shower curtains.

Maine College of Art.
First on their list of MFA students in the 2010 class was Ryan Conrad and a link to his website "Faggotz.org." Sign me up.

NYU Steinhardt.
These bastards got a plethora of Masters degrees. I was glancing at an MA in art education (yeah, I want to teach. Imagine me spreading my pessimism to the impressionable youth. It makes me smile) but I wasn't sure if you wanted to hear about MA's so I scrolled down to an MFA in studio arts. The selection process seems tight and may actually be a little too strict for me but that bodes very well for actually serious artists who want to beef up their degree.

Art Institute of Boston.
First image I can see on their website: some kid sitting indian style on a train with a Macbook Pro on his lap, his smile sheepishly appearing from beneath his shag haircut. Oh Art Institute of Boston, you're so hip. They have a pretty standard MFA program; 2 years, 4 semesters, hard work, blah blah blah. But they also have 15 credits in 5, 10 day residences. The facilities seem pretty clean and cozy. It actually looks like a place I wouldn't mind being stuck in for 10 hours a day. The walls aren't all white washed, the floors aren't splattered with gesso and plaster, and the website doesn't try to conform to this politically correct trend by putting people of every race in every picture with their arms around each other laughing at some joke you know that black guy said cause black guys are so funny.

One thing I learned with this assignment is that the majority of websites for art Universities are absolutely horrendous. They are little more than a single page that offers no information you can look into and a form to fill out to receive information via snail mail (possibly retroactively for the rest of your life). It's aggravating when you can click on a drop down menu that displays what the school offers but cannot learn about the departments because those programs are just text, and not links to a more comprehensive listing. These schools are shooting themselves in the foot by making a students task of compiling future prospective schools into a fire gauntlet that will take them weeks to complete, all the while having to give out pages of his or her personal information just to find out if the school he or she is looking at has the programs he or she needs. Also, upon further review, MFA's seem like suuuuch bullshit.

Keeping it Real.

So I guess from word of Friday's class that all y'all got to hear how my blog is the best blog. Well it comes as no surprise. Don't fret - here are some helpful hints to keep your blog unlame:

1. The only wrong opinion is the one you pussy foot around as to not offend anyone.
2. Hate is natural. In fact, I prefer it to love.
3. You may have noticed that Blogger autosaves your posts as you are writing them. This is a great tool. So don't worry about getting your thoughts onto your site as quick as possible, as to not tempt fate that would have your computer crash or internet suffer a cataclysmic fall. Sit back, take a deep breath, and try to express your intense dislike for everything with a calm, nonchalant pace so you have ample time to think back to previous memories of disappointment and can use them for reference.
4. Dont show up for class. I dont know, it's working for me.

Well there you have it, four life saving tips from a guy who can't seem to wake up before noon.

Short and Sour

Justin Hall
Artist Statement

Real art is in the viewer. I can create a masterpiece with the expressions of my audience faster than paint, and it is in that urgency that I find art. Without me, art never ceases to exist. But without us, how can it thrive?

Rezoomeh

Justin Hall

(732) 233 – 3053

926 Curtis ave. Wall, NJ 07719

Born in Plano, Texas 1987. Works in central/south Jersey.

Education

Mason Gross School of the Arts senior

Professional Experience

Tshirt airbrush artist, Urban Outfitters, Six Flags Great Adventure, Jackson, NJ

Freelance Character Illustrator, Theory Y Algebra

Caricature artist

• Creation Station, Seaside Heights Boardwalk, NJ
• Spitting Image, freelance

*Related Experience

Submissions to

• The Stall – Brookdale Community College newspaper
• The Medium – Rutgers University newspaper
• The Rutgers Review - Rutgers University newspaper

Awards

1^st place, Network 1 Financial and Alliance Capital Bernstein College Bound Fund art competition

Award of Excellence in Drawing, Brookdale Community College

Publications

*see: Related Experience

Technical Abilities

Paintshop Pro, Final Cut Pro, DVD Studio Pro, Protools, After Effects, Flash, the internet

Reverences

Mommy

(732) 859 – 2512

Daddy

(732) 245 – 8947

Tassia Schreiner

(610) 504 - 2806

Zimmerli

I went to the Zimmerli Art Museum earlier today because, let's be honest, it was the closest option available for this assignment. I actually haven't seen any shows there except for when Ross Lippencott's band "The N Result" (no idea what "N" stands for) played a monster of a set including Beatles covers complete with freestyle rap from their resident thug. My expectations for any work being showed in the same building I sit and play Pokemon on my laptop while my Islamic Art professor laboriously goes over the history of Islam while at the same time telling us none of it will be on any of our tests...I lost my train of thought. Point is, I wasn't expecting to be wowed.

The exhibit I looked at was "Trailblazers of the 21st Century," and it certainly met my bottom-rung expectations. Looking at the wall of pitiful scrap being presented in frames worth double what any of these artists deserved to take away from what I am assuming is about a lunch break's worth of actual thought and execution I can certainly see that the curator of this exhibition was blazing something - and not a trail, if you catch my meaning. Actually, Daniel Zeller's "Elusive Quarry" was somewhat inviting but I can't imagine any second year illustration major who knows his or her way around pen and ink couldn't pull off the same effect if they would only ignore the demands of school, responsibility, and life. Gary Simmons' "Again and Again" was even more disappointing. "Again and Again" consists, in it's entirety, of the phrase "again and again" both clear and smudged out, and a simple rubric for creating silkscreen prints in numerical order on the pure white side of the piece that cleaved the page in half. I read the short biography the museum supplied and it mentioned some made up bologna about Gary's work containing strong relations with racial tension and stereoty...I just stopped reading because my eyes started to vomit blood. Figuratively. Gary's piece....the only piece that was there to represent him....was what they hand out on the first day of Silkscreening 101, along with a syllabus and a reminder that plagiarism is still frowned upon as though we all spontaneously forgot. As I left the exhibit I remarked to the receptionist that they would benefit from a small boost in security seeing as how I am feeling an urge to get the tire iron in my trunk and returning to use it the only way I know how: destroying bullshit.

I hate being right. I'm not often right, but my pessimism is my spidey-sense and I will follow it wherever it goes. Unfortunately, lately, it's been bringing me to galleries.