Alex Bag: A Reaction

I am going to be writing this as I watch it, so it is not a reaction on the entirety on the film (at least it won't be until the end).

First impression: Wow. This is going to be an hour long? Ugh.

4s - Is this a dude in drag?

53s - Is this tongue in cheek? It seems way too satirical to be for real.

1m 21s - Ok when the red head chick cuts out and we see, what I imagine is, Alex in a different costume, I let my eyes wander down to the video's description. So I guess this isn't for real. Thank God.

1m 53s - "Call me" girl is hot. Alex should go blond. Now that I know whats up, I commend the acting. Unfortunately the quality of video and sound is not as great. Wait let me see when this was created....Yeah I bet this was the shit in '95. So it's really no ones fault then that there is so much room tone and ambient noise. It doesn't detract from the video it just makes me use up brain function to contemplate why she couldn't have gotten a shotgun mic or film somewhere that is not next to a busy NY street, like I'm guessing the room she is shooting in at this point is located.

2m 31s - I lol'd

3m 0s - I might have to turn the volume down I don't want my parents thinking I'm watching some kind of fetish porn .

4m 17s - Back to red head valley girl. I was enjoying Call Me girl (maybe too much) so I don't really want to go back to valley head. I think it is partly because Alex plays the part so well. I hate her.

5m 27s - Oh God, what is this

6, 4s - I'm following the work of a young kid on Youtube who acts out soap operas with his pokemon toys on camera. It's hilarious how inappropriate his dialogue becomes and there seems to be a perverse, homosexual undertone (not perverse because it's homosexual, it's just the way it comes up. IE: raping Pikachu) that makes it an interesting collection. It's odd how this kid is, basically, being laughed at on the internet, and Alex Bag is video taping a Stretch Armstrong interact with a mannequin and having her work not only shown to me and demanding my critique but a REQUIRED one at that seeing as how it is a college level class and this is homework.

8m 2s - I don't like this part. It's dumb.

11m 40s - Start of a new character! Good cause valley head is getting boring.

12m 0s - Oh god, this is gonna be slow

13m 0s - I mean, I GET it. It's a take on the pompous artist who makes ridiculous pieces...and I admire that, 'cause those pompous artists piss me off and deserve to be parodied...However, this is still really boring.

17m 20s - Ok at this point (valley head's 4th semester) I'm curious as to what this film is going to offer for the next half hour. I've said it once, I'll say it again: Call Me girl is great. But the rest of this really has me squirming in my chair waiting for the end.

18m 39s - English Punk Girl (EPG for short) is fun. And it made me change my mind about one fing: Alex should go with green hair, not blond.

21m 37s - Hehe, Valley Girl look how you've grown! Well at least she is keeping it fresh.

22m 05s - Oh God she looks like my ex

25m 32s - Where's the venom, Bag? Spit some acid at the art world. It seems like Valley Head is all grown up in the way that everyone wants us to be. I don't want to see this.

26m 26s - Hey, Bjork used to be cute. She kind of looks like Demi Lovato (don't ask how I am aware of this persons existence, I wish I wasn't).

28m 20s - Ok why is Bjork teaching us about how tv's work? I really thought when she said she wanted to see what was inside, she was gonna smash that shit.

28m 50s - Ooooh, ok I see. Bjork is a tinfoil hat conspiracy theorist and is warning us about the dangers of tv consumption.

31m 25s - Attention all male sculptors: The bigger your welded shit tower of a sculpture, the smaller your dick. I'm sorry, it's true.

36m 35s - I like how Hello Kitty is just naming random products after 5 or so minutes and they are all products I have or can see Hello Kitty being on. Totally.

40 m 0s - "Artists are boring." Tell me about it.

40m 50s - "The job market is so fucked." Tell me about it.

45m 19s - It feels like this segment with the kid trying to convince the class clown to stop vying for everyone's attention is going to end with them making out (impossible since they are the same actress). I also feel like I'm the curly haired nerd trying to rid the world of one more obnoxious attention whore. Is that weird? No homo.

45m 50s - Bag does a really great job with the transition of freshman to senior in both attitude and aesthetic. Like, I'm sure I've SEEN this chick with the baby doll tee and bob haircut and dark lipstick. (Edit: I HAVE and you so know who you are)

46m 42s - I'm worried. I am starting to agree with every pessimistic, sarcastic, and gloomy view that Bag has as this SVA character that we see at the start of each semester. What makes me nervous is not that I'm pessimistic, sarcastic, or gloomy, but that this whole video is a joke. Am I a joke?

56m 58s - Alright, all done. She ends on a weird note - holding up a flower and crying. But you have to take it for what it is. And what it is, is a commentary.

As a general rule I don't like interpretive art films, especially not ones that go over 10 minutes in length. This isn't 100% an exception, but there are a lot of fun characters and dead on ideas that I can agree with. I think Alex Bag should be in every movie.